reflections / Self-knowledge
Sometimes we look to others for what we feel we lack
Sometimes we admire something in our partner because it is hard for us. Maybe they make decisions calmly while we spend a long time unsure. We can learn from them without handing over every decision. If you admire how organized they are, ask them to explain their approach and try making a plan on your own. They can help when you need it, and you can keep learning too. You do not have to do everything their way or stop being yourself.
If you admire how organized your partner is, you can learn from them and make some plans yourself. Asking for help does not mean leaving every decision to them.
Admiring one of your partner’s qualities can help you notice something you want to learn to do for yourself.
The context
We may like a quality because we wish we had it. For example, someone who often hesitates may admire a person who makes decisions easily. That does not mean they lack worth or need a partner to be complete.
A problem can arise when one person ends up organizing everything. It may feel convenient at first, but planning every outing, remembering tasks and always making decisions takes time and effort.
Start with something small: plan your next outing or decide which task to do first. Ask for an opinion if you need one, then make the decision yourself. This lets you practice without expecting your partner to always be available to help.
Learning from someone does not mean copying them. It also does not give them permission to mock your mistakes. You can do things differently and still treat each other with respect.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
My partner makes every decision because I find it hard to choose. Where do I start?
Choose one small thing you can decide, such as a weekend plan. You can ask for their opinion and then make your own choice. Tell them you want to practice. Making a mistake now and then does not mean you have to hand every decision back to them.
Fictional example: My partner used to plan every outing. When I planned one, I understood how much time it took. Since then, we have taken turns and asked for help when we need it.
Dilemmas from this reflection
Put this idea to the test
Explore situations where this reflection does not have a simple answer.
#002Your partner usually disputes overcharges for you. Would you handle the next complaint?You find complaints and negotiations difficult. Your partner usually handles them for you, but today says they are tired of always dealing with these conversations.
Asking for help resolves the problem faster. Trying yourself may be uncomfortable, but it keeps your partner from carrying all your difficult conversations.
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