reflections / Self-knowledge
Putting up with mistreatment out of habit does not make it love
Being used to the way someone treats you does not mean that treatment is good for you. Maybe you spend days waiting for attention or stay quiet because you are afraid of how the other person will react. If this has happened before, it may feel normal. But you can ask whether you feel heard and respected now. You do not have to keep accepting something that hurts just because you know how to put up with it.
Being used to waiting for attention does not mean you are happy with that treatment. Notice whether the person listens and keeps promises.
The context
You can get used to waiting days for a message, having plans canceled without warning, or staying quiet to avoid an argument. If you have lived this way for a long time, you may stop seeing it as a problem. But familiar treatment is not necessarily healthy or loving.
Look at how this person treats you most of the time: whether they listen to you, keep plans, and accept it when you say no. An affectionate message after several days of silence may bring relief, but it does not erase what happens the rest of the time.
You can change what you accept even if you do not yet understand why you tolerated it before. For example, you can ask to be told when a plan is canceled. Finding it difficult to ask at first does not mean your request is unfair.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
I always end up waiting for attention from distant people. Is it my fault?
A pattern does not make someone else’s treatment your fault. You can look at which signs you may overlook and what boundaries you need, without taking responsibility for changing those people.
I thought it was normal to wait days for a message. When I experienced a different kind of treatment, I realized I was used to waiting, not happy with it.
Dilemmas from this reflection
Put this idea to the test
Explore situations where this reflection does not have a simple answer.
#005Your partner mocks you in front of your friends again. Would you accept another apology?Your partner mocks you in front of your friends again. Later they apologize and promise to change, just as they have before.
Apologies and affection give you hope, but the behavior that hurts you keeps happening. Continuing to wait also comes at a cost to you.
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