reflections / Self-knowledge
Sometimes We Look for What We Lack in Someone Else
Sometimes we admire something our partner does because we find it difficult. They may make calm decisions while we often hesitate. We can learn from them without leaving every choice to them. If you admire how they organize things, ask how they do it and try planning something yourself. They can help when you need it, and you can keep learning. You do not have to do everything their way or become someone else.
If you admire how your partner organizes things, learn from them and try making some plans yourself. Asking for help does not mean leaving every decision to them.
The context
We may admire a skill because we would like to have it. Someone who struggles to choose may admire a person who decides easily. This does not mean they are worth less or need a partner to be complete.
Problems can arise when one person ends up organizing everything. It may feel convenient at first, but planning every outing, remembering tasks and making every decision takes work.
Start with something small: plan your next outing or choose which task to do first. Ask for an opinion if you need one, then make the decision yourself. This gives you practice without expecting your partner to be available all the time.
Learning from someone does not require copying them. It does not give them permission to mock your mistakes either. You can do things differently and still treat each other with respect.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
My partner decides everything because I struggle to choose. Where can I start?
Choose a small decision you can make, such as a weekend plan. You can ask for their opinion and then make your own choice. Explain that you want to practice. Making a mistake sometimes does not mean you need to hand every decision back to them.
Fictional example: My partner planned every outing. When I planned one myself, I understood how much time it took. Now we take turns and ask for help when we need it.
Dilemmas from this reflection
Put this idea to the test
Explore situations where this reflection does not have a simple answer.
#002Your partner usually disputes overcharges for you. Would you handle the next complaint?You find complaints and negotiations difficult. Your partner usually handles them for you, but today says they are tired of always dealing with these conversations.
Asking for help resolves the problem faster. Trying yourself may be uncomfortable, but it keeps your partner from carrying all your difficult conversations.
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