reflections / Couple
Reviewing your expectations can help you get to know someone better
Having expectations does not make you too demanding. You need respect, interest, and a life that can fit with yours. But sometimes we rule someone out over details that do not yet tell us what sharing a life with them would be like. It helps to distinguish what you truly need from the picture you had imagined. You do not have to settle or force attraction. You can take time to get to know someone before deciding they have nothing to offer you.
Respect and the way someone lives matter when choosing a partner. A minor detail does not tell you what sharing a life with someone would be like. Give yourself time to get to know them.
Being single does not prove your expectations are excessive or that you are doing something wrong.
The context
Being single does not mean you ask for too much. Thinking about what you are looking for can help you understand your choices without blaming yourself for not finding a partner.
There is a difference between wanting someone who listens to you and wanting someone with a particular profession. The first directly affects how you treat each other every day; the second may be a preference you could reconsider. You decide what matters to you.
A first date can feel awkward because you are nervous. If the person treated you respectfully and you are interested, you can see them again. If you do not want to, you do not have to, and you do not need to invent good qualities to justify another date.
It is also worth noticing how you treat the other person: whether you listen, respect their pace, and can adjust a plan. Getting to know each other takes effort from both people.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
Does reviewing what I am looking for mean accepting less than I need?
No. You do not have to accept disrespect or give up decisions that matter to you. You can reconsider preferences such as a hobby or profession. If you want to get to know someone better, do it because you are interested, not because you owe them a chance.
Fictional example: I used to stop seeing people who did not talk much on a first date. I started noticing whether they listened to me and asked questions, too. Sometimes I wanted another date, and sometimes I did not.
Dilemmas from this reflection
Put this idea to the test
Explore situations where this reflection does not have a simple answer.
#017Would you stop dating someone because they do not have a university degree?You like someone who works as a carpenter and treats you well. Your family thinks you should look for a partner with a university degree.
You have a preconceived idea of what your partner should be like. You still need to distinguish whether education makes a real difference for you or reflects an inherited expectation.
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