reflections / Couple
A calm relationship can feel boring when you are used to chaos
If you never knew whether a past partner would reach out or pull away, a calm relationship may feel strange. Maybe you are no longer checking your phone all day or worrying about the next argument. That does not mean there is no love. Ask yourself whether you enjoy their company and want to get to know them better. You do not have to stay with someone you do not like, but you do not need to feel worried for a relationship to matter to you.
If love used to feel unpredictable, a calm relationship may seem boring. Give yourself time to tell the difference between peace and a lack of interest.
Uncertainty can keep all our attention on a relationship.
The context
Waiting for a reply or fearing that plans will be canceled can take up much of your day. When you date someone who follows through, that worry may ease. At first, the difference can feel like boredom.
Feeling calm and feeling uninterested are not the same. You can feel at ease and enjoy talking, going for a walk or making something together. If you do not want to spend time with that person, it is also worth being honest about that.
Suggest an activity you both enjoy and notice how you feel. You do not need to start a fight or make someone jealous to feel excitement. You also do not have to stay in a relationship just because it is calm.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
My partner is steady, but I miss the excitement I used to feel. Am I settling?
Check whether you lack desire or miss the tension of not knowing what will happen. Stability alone does not mean you have to stay, but it does not mean you are settling either.
At first I worried that there was nothing to fix. Later I learned to enjoy plans that did not end in a fight.
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