reflections / Couple
Attraction Does Not Always Lead to a Good Relationship
Being strongly attracted to someone does not mean a relationship with them will be good for you. Early excitement cannot tell you how you will handle disagreements, whether they will respect your boundaries, or whether you want similar lives. You can feel that attraction without turning it into a promise. Before choosing, notice how they treat you when things do not go their way. Your feelings matter; what happens between you matters too.
Liking someone a lot does not tell you whether a relationship will be good for you. Notice how they treat you when you disagree or say no.
The context
When you like someone, it is easy to imagine a happy relationship. At first, though, you may not know how they act when they are tired, upset or expected to keep a promise.
For example, they may send messages that make you happy but stop replying whenever you raise a problem. Another lovely message does not resolve what you still need to discuss.
Over time, notice whether they keep promises, listen to your views and accept that you sometimes say no. Talk about what each of you wants from the relationship. You do not need to test or watch them to get to know them better.
You do not have to date someone just because they are kind. It matters that you like them and that they treat you with respect. If they try to control your choices or put you down, you can leave even if you still feel attracted to them.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
I really like them, but I usually feel worried after we meet. Is that a reason to stop seeing them?
You can choose to stop seeing them. To understand your worry, think about what happens: do they cancel without warning, mock you or ignore your requests? You may also feel nervous because you do not know them well yet. Take more time if you want, but liking them does not mean you have to stay.
Fictional example: I wanted to see him again, but it upset me when he canceled our plans without warning. I stopped making excuses for him and explained what I needed. His response helped me decide whether to keep seeing him.
Dilemmas from this reflection
Put this idea to the test
Explore situations where this reflection does not have a simple answer.
#001Would you keep dating someone who treats you well but you are not attracted to?You have been dating someone you like as a person for three months, but you do not feel like kissing them. Today they ask if you want a relationship.
You want to give a relationship that is good for you time to grow, but the other person needs to know how you really feel to decide whether to continue.
You may also like
0 approved comments
Reader opinions
Be the first person to share a perspective.