reflections / Separation and letting go
An Impossible Love Can Keep Us Away From a Real Relationship
Sometimes we imagine a life with someone who has already said they do not want to be with us. While waiting for a change of heart, we put off our own plans or meeting other people. Waiting can also spare us the fear of starting a relationship both people want. This is not true in every case, but it is worth considering. Your feelings matter, and so does the other person's answer. Loving them deeply does not turn their no into a promise.
Waiting for someone who cannot or does not want to be with you can close you off to a real relationship. Your feelings matter, but they are not a promise from the other person.
The context
You can fall in love with someone who does not want a relationship with you. That alone does not mean you are afraid of love. It is worth examining the wait when they have given a clear answer and you still plan your life around a possible change.
When we do not share daily life with someone, it is easy to imagine everything as we wish it would be. A friendly message may seem like a sign, even when they have not said they want a relationship.
Ask whether you are waiting for something they offered or something you hope for. You can also consider whether waiting lets you avoid conversations or choices that would frighten you with someone who does want to be with you.
Accepting their answer may hurt and take time. You do not need to stop having feelings at once or start dating someone else. Reduce contact if it helps, return to your own plans and spend time with friends.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
They said they do not want a relationship, but I think time will change that. Should I wait?
Treat their answer as valid today. You cannot build an agreement on a change they have not offered. You can feel sad and stop organizing your life around waiting.
Every conversation restarted my hope. Taking some distance helped me hear the no I had already received.
You may also like
0 approved comments
Reader opinions
Be the first person to share a perspective.