reflections / Loneliness
Learning to be alone can help you choose whom to love
When loneliness feels unbearable, almost any company can seem like a way out. Sometimes we choose the relief of not being alone over the person in front of us. You do not have to enjoy every moment of being single to love well. But having friends, routines, and a life you can sustain gives you room to ask whether a relationship is good for you. Wanting a partner is valid; feeling that you cannot live without one can make it harder to choose.
When you cannot bear being alone, almost any company can seem right. Friends and a life of your own give you more freedom to choose a relationship that is good for you.
Friendships and plans of your own can help you choose a partner without letting fear of being alone make the decision.
The context
There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner. But if you feel that it is your only way to have company, it may be harder to recognize when someone treats you badly or wants a very different life from yours.
You might agree to plans you do not enjoy because you are afraid of spending the weekend alone. Getting back in touch with a friend or joining an activity can give you other ways to find company. That does not take away your wish for a partner; it helps keep one relationship from becoming everything you have.
You also do not have to learn to live without help before you can fall in love. We all need other people. You can nurture friendships and interests while getting to know someone and ask yourself whether you enjoy their company and feel respected.
FAQ
Questions and answers
Editorial questions and examples inspired by public discussions. They are not reader testimonials.
I do not enjoy being single. Does that mean I am not ready for a relationship?
No. You can want a partner and need company. It helps to broaden your support system so that need does not lead you to accept any treatment or rely on one person for everything.
When I started seeing my friends again, I stopped feeling that turning down a bad relationship would leave me with no company at all.
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